religion · review

The Emoji Movie (will suck)

I didn’t really want to say this but, damn, Hollywood has finally run out of ideas. After, Batman V Superman, after Suicide Squad, after all of the terrible films that came out this year, I didn’t think it could get any worse. But it did. It did. Enter The Emoji Movie, a delightful movie that follows on Gene, a multi-expressional emoji and journey to become a normal emoji. It’s gonna suck. The emoji movie just proves that the film industries are dead and also that 2017 is definitely not going to suck. AT all.

The trailer/teaser opens up with the Meh emoji. Right off the bat you can tell that the animation is lazy. It’s Sony pictures after all. the meh emoji then appears to tell us about the film with the same amount of enthusiasm as I have about this movie, and ends with the cringey line: “bring the family, it doesn’t have to be yours”. The trailer then switches to a ice cream emoji that is complaining about the lights and that he is “melting”. He thejn ends with “this is such a load of-” but is interrupted by the, um, poop emoji who expresses his disappointment and tell the ice-cream emoji “to continue”. It was a truly well thought out trailer. Honestly I think my favorite part was the part where none of the main characters were shown.

So the trailer sucks… You know what else sucks: the concept. It sounds awfully alot like Inside Out ans Toy Story, two brilliant, well animated movie. The whole x comes to life when humans aren’t there has been overdone soo many times it isn’t even funny. After the unanticipated brilliance of animated movies such as Moana, Zootopia and Secret Life Of Pets. So why did they just have ruin our perfect streak. Now for the predicting of the plot of Emoji Movie: I predict that this movie will start with Gene. Gene will feel bad that he’s a different and emoji and run away. He will then explore the apps (candy crush, Instagram) and will make friends along the way. then while he’s gone a villain will rise and terrorise the emojis and Gene will realize he’s perfect just the way he is and then he’ll defeat the villain. Or something like that. It will happen.

Needless to say, this movie is not well liked. Currently, on the trailer, the dislikes outweigh the likes by a couple of thousands. Well, if only sony pictures knew it was going to attract alot of hate… Here’s a theory, maybe they did. When it comes to movies, the most controversial ones usually bring in the cash, (suicide squad, batman v superman etc.) while well done movies are usually independently made movies (anomalisa) and bring in less money. You see, Sony knows that so Sony created a controversial films, the teenagers will watch it for the poop emoji and because instagram, the haters will watch it to say what the fuss is about and the lovers will watch it because they live emojis. Boom! Easy cash.

I won’t be watching this movie and neither should you. It’s stupid, it’s boring and it’s cliched and I don’t want sony to have my money. This movie is the definition of a cash grab and it won’t be any different from any other animated movie.


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